I woke up this morning not quite right. I had every intention of getting in my car and driving to the gym and even went as far as starting the coffee and getting dressed. I paced around the bedroom and then against my better judgement, abandoned the idea altogether. Continue reading “Weathering anniversaries”
I took to the open, albeit local roads last night for a little bike time sandwiched in between the latest bout of rain showers we’ve been experiencing here in New England.
Since a much earlier post about purchasing a motorcycle – my personal “fuck you” to my late husband (she said, with great fondness) I’ve gotten more comfortable riding and so am enjoying it more. You have to remain ever diligent, since you are incredibly exposed when on two wheels. However, I’m glad to say I’m no longer wearing my shoulders as earrings.
I keenly felt the bumps of the road as I unsuccessfully tried to avoid rolling over man-hole covers and sped across defunct railroad tracks. I took in the sweet smell of tobacco as I motored past open barns hung with the drying leaves of future cigar wrappers.
As a 14-year-old I had worked tobacco one summer sporadically with my best friend Anne. I say “sporadically” because it was grueling hard work, and so sometimes as we walked the mile or so to the farm to catch the bus to the fields, we talked ourselves out of going to work that day. Instead we’d thumb a ride to the neighboring, bucolic town of Somers, CT and spend the day meandering through the woods there.
I don’t know what it was about that town, except that it had a certain magical quality for me and my friends. It was “woodsier” than our town, and had a small but significant mountain for hiking with the reward of a fireman’s tower at the top.
I never guessed those many years ago that I would find myself once again traveling the same roads past the same silent barns. A whole lifetime it seemed, had passed between that time and this one. Anne and I had dreamt of renting a van after high school and traveling ‘cross country. It was not meant to be. I went away to college, and she went to work. In either case, she had found a boyfriend by that time and was ingrained in his life. I was awkwardly stumbling through the corridors of higher education, spending a fair amount of energy on beer and boys.
Anne and I continued to take different roads and have lost touch. Somers is still there. I decide to ride through some of the familiar back roads on my bike. Definitely more “neighborhoody” than woodsy, but it still has some magic left.
I walked on a beach yesterday and didn’t cry.
It may seem stupid in some ways, but as I have shared in previous posts, the beach is the most sacred of spaces that I associate with my late husband, and it has been more than two years since I have had the courage to do so. Continue reading “Small victories”
Sick and tired of the string of losses and constant heartbreak over the past couple of years, I literally went to the dogs this weekend. Continue reading “To the dogs”
I was happy to finally be landing at my home airport yesterday after a short but exhausting business trip, this time to the West Coast for another one-day client event that meant tacking on two additional days just for travel. Continue reading “Plane talk”
I can’t get thoughts of the beach out of my mind today.
It would have been my husband’s 62nd birthday, and I know if he were still here, we would be sitting on a sandy dune in Wells Beach Maine, under an umbrella, slathered in SPF 50 while watching people and the waves as they meet on the shore.