It’s not anyone’s fault. People simply don’t know what to say to ease your burden when you have suffered a loss.
We’ve all heard the platitudes:
“He/she is in a better place.”
“At least you had X number of years together.”
“You are so strong! I don’t know how you do it.”
About two months after losing my husband I came across the video, “Shit people say to widows.”
It made me laugh. It gave me a few moments of relief during a horrible time. It was stripped bare and managed to be funny and true. I shared it with some of my friends, realizing they understand my sarcastic sense of humor and (hopefully) would not take offence.
There’s a ton of information out there on how to handle grief. How to “get through it rather that around it.”I find that statement a bit offensive. It makes it sound as though there is a silver grail at the end – a time when it is all behind you. I am not saying you will always feel the same level of pain, but it becomes a part of you and reshapes everything you do. You won’t ever leave it fully behind. I am striving for manageable at this early stage.
In the meantime find your pockets of funny, and when you can, help the people around you learn how to help you.