It’s not anyone’s fault. People simply don’t know what to say to ease your burden when you have suffered a loss.
We’ve all heard the platitudes:
“He/she is in a better place.”
“At least you had X number of years together.”
“You are so strong! I don’t know how you do it.”
About two months after losing my husband I came across the video, “Shit people say to widows.”
It made me laugh. It gave me a few moments of relief during a horrible time. It was stripped bare and managed to be funny and true. I shared it with some of my friends, realizing they understand my sarcastic sense of humor and (hopefully) would not take offence.
There’s a ton of information out there on how to handle grief. How to “get through it rather that around it.”I find that statement a bit offensive. It makes it sound as though there is a silver grail at the end – a time when it is all behind you. I am not saying you will always feel the same level of pain, but it becomes a part of you and reshapes everything you do. You won’t ever leave it fully behind. I am striving for manageable at this early stage.
In the meantime find your pockets of funny, and when you can, help the people around you learn how to help you.
Grief is an annoying houseguest who won't leave 
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